Peace in the Midst of a Troubled World

By Bonnie DeLong

The world can seem to be a very troubled place. We are bombarded by information about catastrophic events that occur both near and far away. The emotional impact on adults and children makes it difficult to maintain a sense of peace. As parents, one of your jobs is to create a peaceful and secure environment for your family. This does not mean that you need to build a physical fortress around your children. It means that parents need to cultivate an environment that helps children learn problem-solving skills and build resilience. Children who learn to look beyond the presenting problems, and focus their abilities on meeting the challenges of everyday life will be more confident and less worried and fearful. Parents, grandparents, and other significant caretakers are models for children in maintaining peace in their own lives. As parents you are not powerless. There are several things that you can do to cultivate internal peace within your children.

First and foremost, control their exposure to sensational media coverage that exploits their vulnerability. Do not shelter your child from all news coverage, but watch and listen to the coverage with your children, and explain what they see or hear. Provide additional information that is often left out of a brief, yet emotionally powerful, news broadcast. For instance, if your young child views the wreckage of a multi-vehicle accident on the television news, discuss how police and other emergency personnel help in this kind of emergency. Explain how those involved in such an accident will be cared for. Explain about the safety features in cars designed to protect people.

It is also important to keep your child grounded in the immediate situation. Keep them based in the reality of their current life situation. For example, if they are worried about terrorist attacks, focus on what is being done in your community and in their daily lives to keep them safe. Discuss how security measures at school, such as having visitors wear name tags, protect all students and teachers. Or, if they are worried about unusual health risks that are frequently in the news, remind them of the things they do on a daily basis to protect against disease, such as covering their mouths when they cough or sneeze, and washing their hands before eating. Teenagers can learn about your community’s emergency response system, and/or public health system.

One of the most important things you can do for your child is be an example of a positively focused, problem-solving individual. Explain to your children that there are many big problems in this world. Although the problems seem too big for one person to solve, if every person does something to help, many big problems can be solved. If your child reacts strongly to one of the many haunting infomercials about malnutrition in children in third world countries, talk to them about what people in your own community can do to help hungry people. You could support a local food pantry with a donation of time, money, or food. Perhaps your church or temple is sponsoring a food drive. A small child will feel good about choosing and purchasing an item to donate. An older child might want to donate time and energy to a project like volunteering at a community kitchen.

Reinforce the ideas that travel on roadways is safe and convenient, and when an unfortunate accident occurs, the community responds in a positive way to help those involved. Remember to focus on the positive problem-solving aspects of the situation. For older children, it is important to provide additional upbeat and inspirational current events information to counter-balance the negative news they hear. Encourage discussion. Easy-to-read, uplifting stories related to personal events and survival can be found in the Reader’s Digest publication. Award-winning, unbiased, and fact-based reporting of current events can be found in the Christian Science Monitor newspaper.

It is also important to talk to your children about their concerns. Ask them how they feel in response to troubling information. If they are unable to identify their feelings, try to help them by making statements such as “that sounds scary to me.” If they are able to identify their feelings, validate their feelings by making statements such as “I’m sure you do feel worried about that.” It’s okay to ask questions to find out exactly what their concerns are. It’s not helpful to children when their parents overact based on their own issues. Remember that old joke where a young child asks his parents, “Where did I come from?” In response, the stunned parents attempt to explain the “facts of life” to their child. After their struggle, their child responds simply, “That’s funny. My friend Joe comes from New York.”

Breaking down a large, overwhelming problem into smaller parts is an effective problem-solving strategy. It is true that you and your child can’t take responsibility for feeding the world. However, if you can do one thing to help with a concern, it is a step in the right direction, and it empowers your child to be part of the solution. When a child feels empowered, validated, protected, and listened to, he or she will feel peaceful, despite living in a troubled world, and will be less likely to succumb to more local and direct threats.

Bonnie DeLong is a Psychologist in private practice at Berks Psychological Services Center, Inc. in Wyomissing, PA.

This article originally appeared in Parents' Source, July 20, 2003.
Re-printed by permission.